Sleep Deprivation, Compulsions, and Squats

I was supposed to go to crossfit yesterday morning, but when my alarm went off, and I realized how late I had stayed up…This is how I felt:


So I ended up turning my alarm off and sleeping ridiculously late. I stayed at home all day and did homework till like 4:00pm and decided that I was going to go running and go to the food store. I did both, came back, went to class and got in bed, anticipating a better night’s sleep than the night before.

My eyes opened at 3 am and there I was, laying in bed and the obsessive compulsive thought occurred to me I need to floss and brush my teeth. This happens every so often. The night before when I didn’t sleep well, my body wouldn’t let me sleep until I ate a banana. I had to eat a banana. I couldn’t eat an apple, or an orange, or a protein bar. No, it HAD to be a banana. And… Tonight I HAD to brush and floss my teeth. Really??

I lay in bed for thirty more minutes with my eyes closed and finally pushed the covers off of me. I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth and went back to bed. I lay in bed for another hour You didn’t floss, my brain kept telling me. I sighed and pushed the covers off once more. I sat on the bathroom floor flossing my teeth. I threw away the floss. Now you have to brush again. REALLY?! my gums already felt like they were bleeding, blood’s dull taste of metal permeated my mouth. I stood up and brushed my teeth again and got back in bed.

Eat an orange, my mind screamed at me. My stomach growled. Eat an orange. An orange? that seemed totally counterproductive, but because I was sick of fighting, I got up and ate an orange. When I finally got in bed and closed my eyes, I entered sleep around 5 this morning.

Must to go to crossfit today, I thought, when my alarm vibrated my bed, shaking me awake. I was so tired! I wondered how I was going to get through the workout. I lay in bed and dozed off for a few minutes and woke up later than I had anticipated. I got up, got dressed, put shoes on, ate another orange, half a luna bar and set out toward the gym.

I was irritated. I need sleep. I cannot function without it. Will these compulsions ever stop at night? I used to get up in the middle of the night to brush my teeth all the time during college when I was worried or stressed about something. And since I’m sort of in that state right now, trying to figure things out for the future, I guess my mind went into a ridiculous state last night. I guess it’s my way of dealing with stuff.

Finally, I arrived at crossfit and saw the board. Squats today, all squats. Back squats and then tabata squats. Tabata means squatting as many times as you can for 20 seconds and resting for 10 seconds 8 times. This sounds like no big deal. Nope, We had to hold our squat in sitting position for our 10 second “rest”. This is gonna be fun! Well, Surprisingly it was! I did pretty good on my backsquats and kept adding on weights. Then when we went to do our Tabata squats, we all got in a circle. After the first round of 20 seconds we were all laughing and smiling, because it was so HARD! “Holy Moly,” the guy next to me said. We all giggled and kept going. By the end, we were just waiting to do the 20 seconds of squats, struggling to get through it, smiling and laughing through the pain. It was fun. It was family. It was worth it.

Sometimes I wonder if what i’m doing in there makes a difference in my body and I realize that the interaction and challenge in there is good for my spirit! However, for those of you who do wonder if your work truly makes any kind of difference, check this out:


Keep going, y’all!


About scarmich

A girl in her 20's looking at love, life, and laughter in the mundane.

One response to “Sleep Deprivation, Compulsions, and Squats

  1. mom

    You go girl! What a woman! Well, you ask if it makes a difference and the answer is YES!!!! It does. It lifts the spirit and frees the soul to know you have the privilege of moving your arms & legs 😉

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