I was walking with a friend the other day and we were catching up on general life things. She was talking about different sermons she’s heard and things she’s been reading in the Bible or in books.
We were talking about Jesus and the church and our lives.
She stopped walking and exasperated she yelled into the air “When will Jesus just be enough?”
I verbally agreed with her, giving her examples of how following Jesus has cost me something. But inside I felt so uncomfortable.
My level of comfort makes me uncomfortable.
I am so comfortable. Aren’t you? I live a really comfortable life. I have everything laid out for me. I’m employed at two jobs. I have friends, I go to church, I’m getting ready to move into a new apartment- all by myself. I cook dinner. I lack nothing. I’m so comfortable.
If I didn’t know Christ, I wouldn’t need Him.
I have everything made for me… All my physical needs are met. If I had no longing to know Him more intimately… If He hadn’t so violently and earth-shatteringly interrupted my life… If He hadn’t shown me who I am in light of who He is… If He hadn’t so lovingly extended Himself for me..to me. So I could know him and He could be glorified…I could be totally self sufficient.
And that terrifies me.
“When will He be enough?” echoes in my mind.
Today, I was (trying) to listen to a sermon as I was cooking dinner Matt Chandler’s voice reached an all time loudness I could actually hear “Where is your treasure?? Scripture says store up for yourselves treasure in heaven! Everything on earth will rot! It will end up in a junkyard! So, where is your heart? WHERE IS YOUR HEART?”
I turned the sermon off and just sat.
Where is my heart? Is Jesus enough? If not, why not? What have I closed my hands around? How can I change? I know I need to. I can’t even see my heart. I don’t know what’s in it. I don’t know what’s hindering me. What are my idols? What am I holding onto? What do I need to give up? Where is my heart?!
These questions keep pounding in my head and in my heart tonight.
I want Him to be enough. I want HIM to be ENOUGH.
I want Him.