I’ve seen an article that’s been floating around on Facebook the past couple of days and it’s really got under my skin. Quite often do things on Facebook irritate me, but very rarely do I ever say anything about it because it’s Facebook.
And Facebook is just silly.
But this one article is titled 13 Women Men Should Never Marry really gets under my skin. Especially since it’s posted on a Christian website and has been shared by a couple of my christian male friends. It’s written by a woman who is a mother of two sons and has six grandsons. She also comes from a large, diverse family and this qualifies her to discuss diverse personalities men come across. She listed 13 different types of women with 13 different character flaws: gossip, lazy, egotistic, controlling, self-righteous, addicted… etc.
I, on the other hand, have no life experience next to this woman. I do not have children, I am not married, and I am not a grandmother.
I’m a granddaughter. I’m a daughter, a sister, a dog owner and a sinner. I make mistakes. I’ve made grave mistakes in the dating realm and am still learning from those. I am not perfect, don’t know everything and i’m so young. I’m not qualified to talk about this subject, but I feel like I should. So I will.
Reading through that article all I could think of was Proverbs 31. Parts of it played over and over in my mind until I decided to sit down tonight and really read it… with a smile on my face. You know, it’s so easy for us to find the flaws in people, all people… when looking for a friend, companion, spouse, company or whatever. Looking for what a person SHOULD be instead of looking for what they should NOT be is so much harder. Yet I think it holds more depth and substance than just glancing over someone because they struggle with some flaw that you deem far too serious to marry. Because, honey, everyone has flaws.
So I made a list of 18 things from Proverbs 31. Characteristics for you women to strive for, and for you men to marry. I want to encourage you women, uplift you, and let you know that the list is not exhaustive and it is impossible that any one person perfect this entire list. These are just characteristics of what we can strive for as young, old, weak, strong, brave, fearful women and allow the gospel to transform us. That gospel that lets us know we are acceptable and righteous because of His blood, not because of our performance or acceptance by men or women. If there are some wrong ideas or things you disagree with, please message me! I’m not perfect and don’t know the bible backwards and forwards… 🙂
Here we go:
- Trustworthy- A woman should be worthy of trust.
Proverbs 31:10-11 states: “Who can find a capable wife?She is far more precious than jewels.The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will not lack anything good.” This is something GOOD! We should strive to be trustworthy- so trustworthy that the people we are with see us as precious!
- Long Term Commitment- The only thing I can commit to right now is a dog. SO I have no room to talk. However, as women, we should strive to be able to make long-term commitments and keep them!
Proverbs 31:12 “She rewards him with good, not evil, all the days of her life.” ALL THE DAYS OF HER LIFE! 🙂
- Works hard! According to Proverbs 31:13, 24, she works with willing hands. The woman we want to strive to be happily does her work and doesn’t complain! She works hard!
- Resourceful! – I love this one, because being resourceful is a virtue and a gift. She can feed the family and accomplish things no matter the barriers in her way, she works with her husband as a team.
Proverbs 31:14 “She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from far away.” Don’t know about you guys but I want to be like a merchant ship. RAWR!
- Disciplined- She rises while it’s still night! (Proverbs 31:15). This doesn’t mean we all have to get up at the booty buttcrack of dawn, but getting up to get things done does give me a sense of accomplishment. I enjoy doing it when I do it.
- Shrewd – This is my one of my favorite characteristics! Provers 31:16 says that she can evaluate a field and buy it. She’s smart and uses her brain to make money and invest wisely. This woman is no idiot. She strikes me as…independent!
- Muscles!! SHE HAS MUSCLES!!
Proverbs 31:17 “She draws on her strengthand reveals that her arms are strong“; Wow. So she’s strong too. This doesn’t necessarily mean that we all have to be fit and lean and strong and blah blah blah, but we should take care of ourselves and the work we do will show on our bodies! We each have different body types. But i do love that she has muscles. RAWR!
- Diligent – The Woman we’re striving to be is diligent and she works hard. Proverbs 31:18 says that she works long into the night, which tells me that she’s passionate! I don’t know about you, but some of the only times I work long into the night (ahem, right now) is when i’m passionate about something that I need to get done. I am PASSIONATE about these characteristics, because I think that they also represent Christ!
- Possesses skills- Yes. You read right. This woman has skilz. Read the verse: “She extends her hands to the spinning staff,
and her hands hold the spindle.” Proverbs 31:19. Maybe I’m reading it wrong, but making clothes with a spinning staff and spindle seem like pretty hardcore skills to me. What skills do you posses? I have skills in counseling and in language. I use sign language to communicate and lead worship! Skills isn’t just standing on one hand while making your own dress.
- Compassionate- She has compassion! She sees people in need and those who are poor and reaches out to them. She uses what she has- her hands, her money, shrewdness, and strength to help others!
Proverbs 31:20 “Her hands reach out to the poor, and she extends her hands to the needy.“
- Plans- This characteristic is something I need to work on! This woman plans ahead! She plans ahead in a way that makes her not fear when bad things happen. Proverbs 31:21
- She has GOOD TASTES!! She’s got style, y’all!
“She makes her own bed coverings; her clothing is fine linen and purple.” Proverbs 31:22. See me in fine purple linen? 😀 hehe
- Marries a wise man- According to proverbs 31:23, her husband sits at the city gates with the elders. That means her husband runs the entire city and his words have weight and merit on what happens and when. He’s most likely wise and shrewd just like his wife.
- No fear- She LAUGHS at the future! She laughs! I want my laugh to be a song I sing to God- a song I sing that says “Lord, I’m so thankful you have my future, thank you for giving me strength! i’m so happy you’ve made me!” That laughter! I want that! I want my giggles to reach the Lord, y’all. Join me in laughter for Him and at the future that He’s got. Proverbs 31:25
- Wise and honest- She speaks truth in LOVE. I don’t know about you guys but I have the temptation to slap people with truth. Not just “speak truth” but take it and rub it in their faces and down their throats and the gloat. That’s my temptation. Not this lady. This wise woman speaks the truth with tears in her eyes and love in her heart. She opens herself up while speaking truth to be hurt with the person she’s speaking to. She hurts with them. in love. Love. Proverbs 31:26
- Actively observant- She knows what’s goin’ down in the house, y’all.
Proverbs 31:27 “She watches over the activities of her household and is never idle.“
- She’s loved and respected- According to Proverbs 31:28, she’s loved and respected by her sons and her husband. I don’t have either, but who are the people closest to me? My mom, my friends, my mentors- do they love and respect me? Could they praise God because of me?
The last one is the most important characteristic that each woman should seek and that each man should seek within himself and his wife. It’s so important.
- Fears the Lord. She fears the Lord. Just the word “Lord” gets me. Jesus takes root in her heart and flows out through her actions and makes her heart vulnerable to Him. He’s LORD. He reigns in her heart and in everything. He has her. He won’t let go. LORD. I love it! And she fears Him- she respects Him! She bows down before Him with her humble, open, wise, compassionate, soft, hardworking heart and says “Take me Lord and give me Your will”.
Wow. I want that. I WANT that!
So men, when you look for a wife, while flaws are important, Grace and Mercy abound. And Love holds all things together. And He, the one we fear as Lord, is LOVE.
And women, when all you see is your flaws instead of trying to fix your flaws, fix your eyes on Christ. He makes our way perfect. He makes our hearts pure. He makes us. 🙂
Keep making me, Lord.