It’s promptly 7:15 am.
I should be getting ready for work, but instead I’m sitting here watching the sunrise. Still.
Though the sun has risen, I still feel a dark shadow hovering over this new place I now call “home”.
My new home is surrounded by trees. It’s like a mini rainforest. Maybe that’s why they labeled the apartments “Raintree”. I don’t know, but it would make sense, wouldn’t it?
Several times a week I try to wake up well before I’m supposed to so I can watch “the show”. When I oversleep I feel disappointed that i’ve missed it. The sunrise that only happens once a day. The beauty and glory of it and the feeling of life going from a clammy, damp coolness to a warmness that fills the heart is indescribable.
In those early mornings the darkness envelops me, leaving me only seeing shadows from my porch. The shadow of Watson prancing to and fro, the feeling of his paws clamoring about, the strange shapes of trees and branches I see moving from the early morning songbirds I can no longer hear.
I just have to trust that these things still exist in the dark. The birds, the trees, my puppy… myself.
And then a splash of light comes creeping across the sky. It often stuns me, you know. It stuns me in a way because before at my old place I could literally see the sun peek shyly over the horizon. At this new place, as I’m surrounded by all the trees, I can only see the effects of the sunlight.
I can only see the sky turn grey and slowly open itself up to blue. I can only see the streaks of sunlight at times through the trees- glimpses of the sun.
I can see the dark-looking black grass turn from black, to grey, to green in slow shifts. In little inklings of time. Almost like the sun slowly opens itself up and pours itself out for all to see- in stages.
It’s beautiful and stunning and heart breaking.
Do you ever feel like that with the True Son?
You know what I mean, don’t you? The darkness of your soul and sin encompass and engulfs every part of you. Fear and anxiety overwhelm you. You feel no connection to anyone. Anything. You feel like an outcast, unable to connect because you’re the only one in the dark with your clammy, cold skin and the weight…
The weight of it all.
So you just have to trust.
Trust that He’s there. Trust that your experience of sin and loneliness and temptation isn’t in solitude, but instead a common human experience. Shared by all. Shared by the trees that surround you and the birds in the trees and the creatures in the grass and the butterflies you can’t see.
Then something happens and something breaks forth and the Light shines. The light doesn’t just shine on the grass making it green and the trees making them real and the birds making them sing. The light shines on you. Making your heart beat and your skin warm and you melt.
The Son can shine. We can see the effects of Him through our sin sometimes- through the trees. We have to look past it or place ourselves in a different environment so that we can see the Son shining in all His splendor. With all His glory. With ALL the praise He’s worthy of.
And then fall on our faces and let Him shine in our minds and our hearts and our souls.
Because the best way to meet the Son is by being lifted up to Him on your face.