Gravity. I feel it.
I felt it as I sat there on my lunch break at work in the “cafeteria” at the college where I work and poured over the book I had bought just days before. Just Show Up written by two women who formed a magnificent friendship during one of the women’s cancer diagnosis. Each word hit my heart and brought me hope. This story is all too familiar, because it has become mine. Ours. Ciera’s and mine. Tears that I wanted to come instead stayed in the pockets of my eye sockets. I could feel them well up as I put the book down and observed my surroundings.
Several televisions blasted on my right, on my left, in front of me. I could only hear noise. That’s it. The noise and chatter of the football news in front of me, the news about the Oregon shooting on my right, and Donald Trump angrily yelled out his opinions on my left. And people around me were captivated to each screen, depending on which story caught their attention.
I looked down at my book and my breath caught. Quickly I looked away and gazed up at each screen. Unseen, I studied each person whose face was captivated by a screen and my heart cracked. The weight of the world is so heavy on me. My heart and heaviness. The weight of everything. The weight of deaths for Christ and the weight of Oregon’s hurt. Hurt throbbing in the pit of my stomach. Real, tangible hurt. The souls that passed onto the next life to dance on golden streets and show His glory to those, here in America, around the world who would listen, rested upon me… The weight, hope, and gravity of life heavy on me…
Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28.
The verse resounds in my mind and echoes hope. I cling to it like water in a desert. His grace, His hope around me feels like water. I need it. So desperately. Grasping and gasping simultaneously I pray. My prayers have become so simple recently, because I flail and fail at words.
I need You. Jesus. Yeshua. Help.
Gravity. Grace. I hate that in this world, we grow numb to it. You know? We grow numb to relationships and numb to what it means to do life together. We grow numb to shootings so much so that the shock lessens a little each time. We grow numb to words. We throw around our words and condolences. So many people in our lives become sick or encounter tragedy and we throw platitudes their way. God won’t give you more than you can handle. We lie to ourselves with these platitudes and lie to each other to make it better. We throw sorrows around without true meaning behind them. Our hearts, hardened by loss, tragedy, and shock refuse to break more. We harden our own hearts. Like Pharaoh. A nation of pharaoh’s walking around ignoring each other. Lord, help us! Lord, Mercy!
Lord, break our hearts! Lord, see our wretchedness! Our Wickedness! Lord, See! Lord, hear! Lord, act! Let our hearts be pliable in Your hands. Let my heart be pliable. Let my heart be soft. Break me. Keep me Yours. Keep me.
Today I am whipped, damaged, cracked. I feel so heavy. Gravity.
Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
Matthew 11: 29.
Oh Lord, give me rest. Give our souls rest. Give us peace in this troubled world. We need Your grace to get through this. Through Your grace lead us to repentance. We recognize that You being gentle and humble in heart, You giving us rest is Your grace abundant. Give our troubled, broken, hardened hearts peace. Give us Your rest… Give us Your grace. We need you more than we even know. Even those who don’t know you don’t know their need for you. Lord, help us. Jesus.
For My yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:30
Lord, make us light. Make me light. Fill me with your joy… that abundant joy that You have talked about and told us about and… make our hearts light and take our load. Let our hearts fill with grace and overflow to those around us. Soften our hearts and allow us to break… and let that break be an “exhale” of relief in the arms of our Savior, Yeshua. Be balm to our wounds, Lord. Be a light in this darkness. This dark world. Give us hope. Ignite our hearts with Your flame and help us burn bright as lights. Help us. Help us. Help me.
I need You.
For those who don’t know, please do pray for Ciera. She has been fighting for her life on life support due to an adenovirus and has started a drug that will help her. I believe Ciera will be healed. I cannot wait to see her when I go visit her. In Jesus, Yeshua, Hashem’s name… please pray for her complete healing. By His stripes, my friends. By His stripes.